Finding myself newly single at the beginning of 2010, I did something I never ever thought I would do -- I threw myself into the jaws of internet dating and joined match.com! Since then, I've become so apt at this whole dating thing, I feel like I can actually call myself a professional dater. Of course, it was only a matter of time before I turned my professional dating experience into a blog! Enjoy!
Having been a "match user' for a couple of months, I am pleased to report that this internet dating thing is not the sleezy, creepy world that it is sometimes perceived to be. I think everything is what you make it. Yes, I have been contacted by men who are obviously looking for that proverbial roll in that proverbial hay. But, I can almost tell now who has a decency about them and who has "moron" attached to their foreheads. Regardless of how my match.com experience ultimately pans out, if nothing else, it has been a fascinating study of human nature -- Not only have I learned alot about myself the "dater" (what I like, what I don't like) but I have also learned more about that not-so-mysterious race -- MEN!
People ask me -- "How can you tell a decent guy from a moron?" You know what? You CAN, and it is so so so EASY. Men on match.com fall into 3 categories -- 1. The Quick Fix. 2. -- The Alpha. 3. -- The Desperate Soul. Using emails that I have gotten from various men, I will now detail why and how it is so easy to know what sort of man you are dealing with just from a single email.
1. The Quick Fix.
These men are really just looking for something easy, and probably something fast. This is obvious when an email is so generic, you can tell that the guy has just copied, pasted, and sent the same message to a bunch of different women. For example, here's an email that I received:
"Hi. My name is [blank]. I like your profile. Please look at mine...what is your name? It would be nice to talk and make a plan to meet."
Um, would it, [blank]? Would it be nice? I mean, is it even possible to get more generic? First of all, he says he likes my profile. WHAT specifically does he like? Has he even read it??? Of course not! You know how I know for sure? Because my username on my profile is CeliaMei, and had he actually looked at my profile, he would not have subsequently asked me what my name is! These "quick fix" guys can't be bothered to even read a woman's profile. They must just go from profile to profile with a click, look at the pictures for half a minute, then click "send" with their ready-to-go copied and pasted "one size fits all" message. If it is obvious that a man hasn't taken even 5 minutes to look at my profile, or even 5 minutes to create an email specific to me, WHY would I waste my time contacting them???
2. The Alpha
The Alphas are so obsessed with themselves and what THEY want, they neglect to entertain the idea that maybe they are not actually what THE WOMAN wants. I was contacted by a man who calls himself Salsaseekschips (really), who asked me out for a "glass of vino," and I didn't respond to him. He was far older than my cut-off age (33) and not enticing to me in the slightest. And, I think asking someone out via a first email is tacky. He then sends me a second email:
"Did you get my email? I am usually a good judge of character, so if you're willing to risk a little (it is only a glass of wine after all) please write back."
Risk what, Mr. Salsaseekschips? That I might have to endure the company of an arrogant old man for a couple of hours? I think not.
Another "Alpha" email:
This email was titled "Someone said you were looking for me..." and the message said, "You're really hot. I know all about being hot and most women are intimidated by my looks, so it's hard to talk to them without scaring them off. I hope you'll be brave enough."
BRAVE ENOUGH??? I looked at this guy's profile, and he is absolutely deluded. he is old and unattractive, and the cockiness with which he writes is such a turn-off. I like an Alpha-male, but not one who is a self-obsessed chauvinist.
3. The Desperate Soul
Desperation appears in many forms. On match.com, when a man will say anything to impress a woman, it reeks of desperation. How about:
"What is your first name? really Celia or Mei (Chinese for beautiful)?"
Ahhhhhhhh!! It still makes me cringe. This same man also included a link to his photos on flickr and his email address. Why, after receiving one email from him, would I look through his entire photo album or contact him via his regular email address? What about letting things take their natural course instead of rushing everything?
A man calling himself Firstsmooch (!!!!) wrote this:
"I moved from germany to NYC a year ago and working in research, wanna explore the city and spend good times with my date while I am cooking her a yummy dinner and watching a movie and cuddling with her. On the weekends we go for a walk in Central Park and eat out and dance into the night or go for a movie. Interested?"
Well...I wonder if Firstsmooch would like to know what sort of food his date likes before he offers to cook for her. And doesn't he want to meet her before deciding to cuddle with her? As for dancing into the night, if he means dancing at a club until 3am, that's really not my scene. So, maybe it would have been better for this desperate man to email with a woman, then subsequently meet her, then subsequently date her before deciding that they were ready to eat, cuddle and dance together. He is probably lovely, but just clueless as to how a woman thinks when it comes to good old-fashioned dating. Ah, me.
Which brings me to the actual "dating" part. What I haven't included in this blog are the many really great emails that I have received, and there are certainly alot of really intelligent, witty, interesting men on match.com, some of whose emails to me have led to dates with me. I have had lovely match.com dates and awkward match.com dates, but I am happy to report that my experiences have been more lovely than awkward. In fact, I have been dating a match.com man for over a month now. Is it serious? No. Do we have a good time together? Yes. Am I still "single?" Of course!
So has match.com been a success? I would say that, given that I've met even one awesome guy who I enjoy spending time with, it has absolutely been a success, and I recommend joining match.com without hesitation to all you singles out there. As for my continued "single" status -- as I was saying to a dear friend the other night -- there's no better time to be single than NYC in the springtime! On to the next date!
copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin
