Aloud, Proud, and Unapologetic

It is 24 hours after New York became the 6th state in the USA to legalise gay marriage. Having sobbed for half an hour upon hearing the announcement, I am still overwhelmed. I don''t know anything about politics. I can't hold a conversation about legalities (though, being a lawyer's daughter, I'm getting good at faking it). I don't know the names of the various politicians whose names I should be familiar with. What I do know is that I believe with all ferocity that every single human being who walks this Earth deserves the same rights as anyone else. We are all created equal. We all ARE equal. This is not a discussion; this is fact. That there are still women in various countries who are not allowed to vote blows my mind. That child labor still exists in parts of the world is inconceivable. That in modern day western culture, when the collective fancies ourselves as smarter and wiser than ever, there are now only 6 states in the USA, the self-proclaimed land of the free, where same-sex marriage is deemed legal, is absurdity. But, let's not focus on the negative. There is too much good to be recognised.

One of the most moving things about the journey towards the passage of the bill is that I saw so many straight people fighting on behalf of our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. People who do not have much, if anything, to gain personally from the legalisation of same-sex marriage fought with solid integrity. Letters were written, donations were made, charity events were held. These people, with wills the strength of an ox, put me to such shame as I sat and merely watched. To stand up and yell at the top of your lungs for a cause that directly affects you is noble. To be just as bold and loud when it is someone else's cause is remarkably beautiful. Thank you to those who reaffirmed that togetherness is much harder to turn a deaf ear to than a solo voice.

What a time to be living in New York.

The day after Osama Bin Laden was reported dead, I was at Ground Zero, taking pictures of all the placards and news crews. A couple of young people, opposed to the killing of Bin Laden, were quietly making their opinions seen by holding up signs. On one sign was written, "an eye for an eye only leads to blindness." Next to the young man holding this sign were newspaper clippings someone else had taped onto the wall. These were of tabloids which had shamelessly glamorised the story. An ironic sight to behold, and yet, a reminder that I live in a culture where we are privileged with the freedom of speech. Thank goodness that we are all entitled to speak our opinions and our beliefs. However, to force our opinions and beliefs onto others is unfair. Seeing some of the negative response to last night's news was disheartening. But, not enough to dampen the joy! So, up yours, ye hypocrites of skewed faith who stand idly by while someone of your brotherhood molests young boys, yet, in response to the right of same-sex couples to make their love legally binding, proclaim: "The Bishops of New York State oppose in the strongest possible terms any attempt to redefine the sacred institution of marriage. Marriage has always been, is now, and always will be the union of one man and one woman. Government does not have the authority to change this most basic of truths." I curse ye, everyone part of the New York State Catholic Conference, to rot in your own smelly hypocrisy!

Today, the day after same-sex marrige was legalised in New York, and also, appropriately so, the day before gay pride day, I walked through the West Village. There, as one would expect, the pride was palpable. I saw a gay couple both wearing shirts that said "Trophy Husband," and had to turn away before the tears came streaming down. I wonder how many proposals will happen tomorrow during Pride? One more massive step towards equality, and for those whom the passing of the bill most directly affects, I imagine that celebrations will be unrivaled.

"Today marks another step in history's uneven but resolute march to justice." (Dan Cantor, Working Families Party) Every step taken is born from the efforts of many generations of activists. Whomever you all are, and wherever you all are, I thank you for fighting to make this world a better place. Love won this time. Let's hope it keeps on winning, for the millions who still need it. We're one step closer to freedom and justice for all.

Shapeshifting: A Vision

I saw an astrologer last month. Don't judge. Without knowing really anything about the "science" of astrology, here is my completely unresearched and un-backed-up-by-facts argument for it: If the Earth is made up of a huge percentage of water, and the planets' pull on the Earth affect it vastly because of that percentage, how can the planets not similarly affect human beings when we, too, are made up of a huge amount of water? Talk amongst yourselves...

When I told Anne, the astrologer, that I'm a dancer, she asked me in what capacity I danced. I told her that I am currently pursuing the dream of dancing on Broadway. Anne then said to me with a 100% percent certainty that I would make it, but that it may not be in the capacity that I expect and that I should, "try and expand my vision of what dance is." My stubborn streak refused to comprehend this notion, let alone consider it. What the hell am I doing in New York, if not to get to Broadway? Over the next few weeks, I didn't make it to Broadway, but I had some very special experiences helping to create three dance pieces for a couple of fantastic choreographers, and diving into rehearsals for the annual BROADWAY BARES show for Broadway Cares/Equity Fight AIDS. I had to take a little time off of my day job to work on these various projects, and with the BARES show in two days, I am looking forward to some sort of weekend when it is over. So, I have not been at a loss for creative opportunities. Which is ironic, as my most recent entry before this one is all about wanting the chance to dance. Serendipitously, after writing that entry, I got bamboozled with a handful of chances and returned to the rehearsal studio for these various gigs, overwhelmed in my brain with a bunch of choreography, and overjoyed in my soul to be creating again! That performers are so willing to give up our time for free is a testament to how passionate we are about what we do. but, it is also a problem.

Anne the astrologer also told me something that shocked me a bit; she said that I am going to be in a very powerful position (which is why my drive is so strong, apparently). Powerful? Me? The thought is at once hilarious and a little disconcerting, for I have never craved power, nor am I certain that power in my hands would be a productive thing. I ran into a friend shortly after seeing Anne, at the time that I was running from rehearsal studios to work to dance classes, still struggling as much as ever to make ends meet financially, even though I was so busy working on these projects. This friend, let's call him Dave, is a composer with a couple of albums out and a gigantic, international following. I discovered his work when I was still living in London, that's how far his reputation had already spread a couple of years ago. We ended up meeting on the circuit when I moved to New York and became friends, and I witnessed him have some really amazing successes with albums and concerts. The last time I ran into him was at his day job, and I asked him what he was still doing at his day job, because, surely a produced composer with an international fan base doesn't need a day job?! Dave told me that it is impossible for him to earn a living. He is not making money off of the albums because everyone is burning CDs. He is not making money off of the sheet music because everyone is photocopying. He is not making money off of concerts because everyone wants to be comped into the shows. Something is not right here. Dave is working hard and creating his own success, and is broke. I am working hard and creating my own success and I am broke. Many of my peers are being just as pro-active, and they are broke. Something is NOT right. And, if the stars predict that I'm going to have so much power, I need to do something about it.

There is a kink in the system. The people at the top, the ones who have the money and the power, are telling us at the bottom that we need to create our own opportunities. So, we do.Then those people ask to be comped into our shows. We are putting alot of money out and bringing nothing in. It is a similar case with auditions. I recently got called in for the lead part in a musical with under 24 hours notice to learn three songs and three scenes. Having been at work all day, I got home at night, called a friend to put the music down so that I could learn it, paid him $50, and sang until 11pm, only stopping because I didn't want my neighbours to get aggravated. At the audition the next day, the panel asked to hear a song from my own repertoire, which I delivered strongly, after which I was told that they didn't need to see anything else. $50 and 12 hours of stress down the pooper. When I recounted that story to people, the unanimous response: "that's just the way it is." Sorry to get cheap here, but I call that bullshit. That's just the way it is, is it? That is not good enough for me. If we keep saying, "that's just the way it is," nothing is ever going to change. I've only been in New York for two years, and already I am tired of giving up my time for free, inviting peers to see my shows and having them not turn up because they want to be comped (after I have forked out the money to see their shows), and spending hundreds of dollars to be prepared for an audition only to be told that the panel doesn't need to see any of the prepared material. All the while, people who are earning a great annual income or are being supported by their parents are telling me that I should be grateful just for the opportunity to create. Something needs to change. Do not mistake me, I am VERY grateful for the opportunity to create. Financial woes aside, I have loved every unpaid gig which I have taken in New York. But, since when should actors, singers, and dancers be made to feel ungrateful if we want to be financially compensated for our time? This is WORK, we are talking about, after all.

You know what? I hope I do become powerful. Because the more I work with gifted choreographers on pieces that are more than worthy of being on Broadway, the more my vision of what dance is, IS changing as I realise that we are all pouring in our time, money, passion, and hearts into our self-made work, and literally getting nothing back. Yes, we get the gift of being able to perform, but I want something more. I want something tangible that I can hold in my hands and say, "thank goodness I danced in that gig, because I can now pay my rent without having heart palpitations!" If I could use my power to help my whole generation of artists earn a bit of a living...now THAT'S a vision!

I can already hear you thinking, "well, you shouldn't have chosen this business." Go ahead, call me ungrateful, unappreciative, grumbling, and all other irrelevant synonyms that I know I am not. I LOVE New York, I LOVE the community of artists in New York, I LOVE our collective drive, and one day I am going to make a difference in our lives. I know this, because it is written in the stars!