In the words of The Who, "I'm FREE! And freedom tastes of reality!!!" I'm in the middle of a 5-week break from the West Side Story tour. I won't sugar-coat my experience with the show thus far; it has been extremely suffocating and at times infuriating and frustrating. My time away from it has re-inforced how much more I prefer living in reality than living in tour-bubble land. I finally feel like the old CMR is coming back. This person I've become, who is constantly unhappy and moaning, I don't even recognise her, and I don't want to be her anymore. But being able to spend time with family and dear friends has planted my feet back firmly on the ground and slowed down the chaos that has plagued my mind for the past few months. I can breathe again, and more importantly, I am not just breathing again, but breathing in wonderful. For me, it is the moments I spend with those dearest to me that are the most important and fulfilling moments of life. Everything else is just living in-between. Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Which brings me to the point of this note...
In my time off, I have seen many friends in shows and the more I watch these people who I care so much about really living the dream, the more I am feeling an increasing energy and inspiration buzzing inside me. I am part of a huge circle of awesomeness. My friends are taking the world by storm, and I'm a part of that and so incredibly proud. When you have known someone for years, you share your dreams with each other, you talk about what you hope for, you watch each other work and work for those hopes to turn into opportunities, for those opportunities to become achievments. So when I saw Mark, my BFF, play Enjolras in Les Miserable...well, my heart just exploded. When Mark and I were on the Joseph tour (12 shows a week, eeeek!!!) we used to find rehearsal rooms in theatres and sing along to his musical recordings. GEEKS. I'm sure that at one time we sang Marius and Eponine together. So you can imagine how I felt when, a few years and a few shows later, I was sitting in the Queen's Theatre in the West End watching him lead the cast of Les Miserables in a rousing "Do You Hear the People Sing?" So fucking proud babe, so fucking proud.
At college, I directed alot of pieces. I made my friend Robyn (always Kylie to me) wear her hair in pig-tails once and bounce around the stage like a 6-year old for a piece called You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. Bless, her, she did it with full gusto and commitment. I've now seen her play Christine in Phantom of the Opera...a West End leading lady, I mean, I am still in awe!!! Really, there's nothing quite like watching someone you used to do ballet with every morning in college singing "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" on the stage of Her Majesty's Theatre. I directed a dancer called Paul in a cabaret at college and he had never sung before, and when I saw him in Imagine This recently, I sobbed my soul to pieces. I was speechless, I couldn't breathe...lovely, kind, beautiful Paul in an original West End cast. Wow. And Gavin, who has always wanted it soooooooooo much, who is one of the hardest working people I know...MATTHEW BOURNE. Multiple contracts. Enough said!!!!
3 of my best girls, Vicki, Jo, and Jenni, are all on tour together in Witches of Eastwick. I AM SO JEALOUS. I AM SO JEALOUS. I AM SO JEALOUS. Vicki and I were extremely naughty on Guys and Dolls because we were a duo of giggling fits and silly gags...how funny that we have ended up with the responsibilities of dance captain on our respective shows at the same time. I mean, I have a co-dance captain to help shoulder the work load, Vicki has no co-dance captain...she's IT! Respect! When I saw Jo play Jennifer, I had chills and shivers galore! That moment babe, when you get to sing the reprise of "I Wish I May"...Well! That is the stuff dreams are made of! A shining, glorious moment. And you get to do it 8 times a week! Jenni is swinging swinging swinging...that is, if she gets a costume...what the fuck is it with these production companies not providing understudy/swing costumes???!!! But seriously, the show rocks you guys, and it makes me smile that you're all out there spreading the love together. :) Just make sure Vicki never vomits on you...
When I first saw "Avenue Q" on Broadway with the original cast, I walked away with a spring in my step feeling elated. It was one of the most original, inspiring, special things I'd ever seen. I even jogged to the music for months, that's how much it inspired me! It's a show I have always wanted to do since seeing it that first time, so when my fellow ex-Saigon slut from Miss Saigon, Maria, went on for the first time as Yellow Bear/Mrs. Thisletwat, I just HAD to see her! It has been a long time coming for Maria...she's auditioned for the show a gazillion times and it was always a "no," but then finally it was a "yes," and watching her on that stage, in that fantastic show, doing what so many people would love to do (myself included), what a special moment! You made it girl, good things come to those who wait! And good things also come to good people. :) I can't wait to see another Miss Saigon castmate, Kanako, take on a leading role in the much anticipated orginal West End production of Pricilla, Queen of the Desert! Original West End cast baby, original West End cast! Popping ping pong balls out from her....you know! Slowly but surely, we are working our way to more and more exciting things, and it's just wonderful to share it with you.
When my beautiful friend, Zoe, and I were on Guys and Dolls together, we were both offered Parade at the same time, and much to my delight, Zoe turned down another offer from Hairspray to take Parade. Lo and behold, a year and a cast-change later, Zoe is strutting her stuff in Hairspray after all, as Amber Von Tussle. YOU HAVE ACNE OF THE SOUL! Hahahaha. I absolutely can't wait to see it. Jo and Zoe, It's a wonderful and bizarre thing, we're all doing jobs we were absolutely determined to get from the very beginning. Iola, Monteen, and Essie ROCK IT! Factory Girls spread the loooooove!!!
Oh, and a shout out to Dane and Darren on La Cage Aux Folles, who are both UNBELIEVABLE in it. WOW. And to my guru Lara, who is a soon-to-be TV star. You are perhaps most positive of all!!!
Guys, I have such fond memories with all of you...singing at the Olivier Awards, dancing in operas, pole-dancing as whores, getting through a 12-show week then going out for crispy chilli beef, performing in cabarets together (Pizza on the Park, Songs For a New World, Weston-Super-Mare, Kid Inside), church research, best of assessments, audition traumas, audition elations, dating truamas, dating elations, bridal shop interviews, mooncup stories, busy bees, casino night with Hello! magazine, noodle dates, Will Ferrell movies...I could go on and on and on.
We have shared alot together and it's wonderful to see you doing all those things we've talked about. Thank you for reminding me that, no matter what bad politics or production values permeate a contract, to be in work on a show that many people want to do is a great achievement, and a job is what you make it, right? I'm sorry I have been so miserable recently, but thanks to you guys, I have rid myself of all that negativity. NO MORE. CMR IS BACK! Because you know what, we really are taking on the world and sprinking fairydust all over the UK. I forgot that I had so much fairydust stashed away, but after seeing you all strut your stuff, I dug deep into my pockets and came out with two whopping handfulls. Keep colouring UK theatre guys...and thanks for adding splashes of bold, bright, beautiful colours to my career. And my life, of course. We're doing it, we're living it! FUCK YEAH! Thank you my angels, I am so so so proud to be a witness to all your great achievements. Continue to dream and achieve...I most certainly will; I know, I BELIEVE that the best is yet to come. :)
Thank you for the inspiration, so much love and respect to you. Here...here's some fairydust!
copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
OBAMA IS PRESIDENT
In 1968, Robert F. Kennedy predicted that in 40 years time, it could be that a "Negro" could become pesident of the United States. And tonight, exactly 40 years later, Barack Obama has become the first black president. I am crying, shaking, feeling shivers surge out of my soul and through my body. I just need to write this down, to record this moment in which America has turned a million dreams into one gigantic reality. Everything is suddenly CHANGED...in one instant, Obama has filled me (and everyone else who has sat glued to the TV for the last 5 hours) with joy, hope, faith, and above all, the belief that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. YES WE CAN they said! And YES WE DID. To quote a friend -- How amazing to be alive in THIS part of history. HISTORY STARTS NOW!!!!! Tomorrow we will wake up in a brand new world, a world in which a black man can be president of the United States! And what a wonderful world that is. My heart is smiling so wide, I think it might burst. I am so proud today to be an American.
And so to bed...with a smile :)
copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin
And so to bed...with a smile :)
copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin
Thursday, August 14, 2008
From Jason Robert Brown to Jerome Robbins
Once in awhile, I have to take a step back and ask myself and the powers that be, "how on Earth did I get so lucky?" I must have been really really good in a past life, because it seems that very good things keep happening for me, and sometimes it just really blows my mind. Last year, I realised my biggest dreams by being part of Jason Robert Brown's and Alfred Uhry's "Parade" at the Donmar Warehouse directed by Rob Ashford. At the age of 25, I had achieved all I ever wanted, and it was an experience that left me indescribably happy, content, and fulfilled. For the 3 months I worked on the show, I just glowed with pride and pleasure. Jason Robert Brown is my idol, my hero, my inspiration, and being able to work with him and sing his music...I'm still disbelieving that I did it!
Let's move forward to 5 months later, and I find myself with yet another mind-blowing opportunity. I have been offered the upcoming "West Side Story" 50th anniversary tour. So, in one year, I've had the chance to sing Jason Robert Brown's material AND dance Jerome Robbins' choreography. I still sit awed and stunned. This is the stuff many only dream about and I can't quite get my head around the fact that I am living it, breathing it, DOING it! I will be understudying Anita, who is, in my opinion, one of the greatest female characters to be written for a musical. Like roles such as Cassie in "A Chorus Line," Charity in "Sweet Charity," and Janet in "The Drowsy Chaperone," the role of Anita is a triple threat's gift, and I humbly accept that gift and hope that I'm strong enough to sing, dance, and act the shit out of it when I go on. I will also be understudying the lovely little part of Rosalia, and have been given joint dance captain responsibility. To be asked to be dance captain on a show that many consider to be the greatest dance musical of all time is such an honour. I'm really surprised and feel extremely daunted at the prospect of it, but what a challenge. Mr. Robbins -- I won't let you down!
I got to work with the wonderful Tony Award winning choreographer Rob Ashford on "Parade," and learned more from him in 3 months than I learned in 3 years. Less than a year later, I have the opportunity to work with another Broadway director and choreographer, Joey Mckneely. I can already tell by the unforgiving audition process that he will work us to the bone. I will need baths every night, and will probably tone up and lose weight due to such excessive dancing (yeah!) but BRING IT ON!!! I know that I will learn a huge amount from Joey, and look forward to the privilege. Joey, Jason, and Rob are at the top of a world of directors, chreographers, composers, and playwrights who are creating musical theatre's premier works for Broadway and the West End, and I am one lucky lady to have the chance to be a tiny part of their awesome work.
"West Side Story" will tour the UK from September. It is a classy and stunning production with choreography that is out of this world, and a score that many still say is unsurpassed in the history of musical theatre. Please come and see it if you can. It is, after all, one of the greatest musicals of all time.
copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin
Let's move forward to 5 months later, and I find myself with yet another mind-blowing opportunity. I have been offered the upcoming "West Side Story" 50th anniversary tour. So, in one year, I've had the chance to sing Jason Robert Brown's material AND dance Jerome Robbins' choreography. I still sit awed and stunned. This is the stuff many only dream about and I can't quite get my head around the fact that I am living it, breathing it, DOING it! I will be understudying Anita, who is, in my opinion, one of the greatest female characters to be written for a musical. Like roles such as Cassie in "A Chorus Line," Charity in "Sweet Charity," and Janet in "The Drowsy Chaperone," the role of Anita is a triple threat's gift, and I humbly accept that gift and hope that I'm strong enough to sing, dance, and act the shit out of it when I go on. I will also be understudying the lovely little part of Rosalia, and have been given joint dance captain responsibility. To be asked to be dance captain on a show that many consider to be the greatest dance musical of all time is such an honour. I'm really surprised and feel extremely daunted at the prospect of it, but what a challenge. Mr. Robbins -- I won't let you down!
I got to work with the wonderful Tony Award winning choreographer Rob Ashford on "Parade," and learned more from him in 3 months than I learned in 3 years. Less than a year later, I have the opportunity to work with another Broadway director and choreographer, Joey Mckneely. I can already tell by the unforgiving audition process that he will work us to the bone. I will need baths every night, and will probably tone up and lose weight due to such excessive dancing (yeah!) but BRING IT ON!!! I know that I will learn a huge amount from Joey, and look forward to the privilege. Joey, Jason, and Rob are at the top of a world of directors, chreographers, composers, and playwrights who are creating musical theatre's premier works for Broadway and the West End, and I am one lucky lady to have the chance to be a tiny part of their awesome work.
"West Side Story" will tour the UK from September. It is a classy and stunning production with choreography that is out of this world, and a score that many still say is unsurpassed in the history of musical theatre. Please come and see it if you can. It is, after all, one of the greatest musicals of all time.
copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Images of Heroism
There is something that's been in the forefront of my mind for a few days, and I can't seem to let it go, so I've decided to write about it and share it, because writing is usually cathartic for me and sort of like throwing my thoughts into the wind. Here it goes.
I ran a 5K race for a breast cancer charity with a bunch of female colleagues while on Guys and Dolls. It was one of the best days of my life -- we were surrounded by thousands of people with this immense positive energy and we all shared the same goal: to make a difference. In a world where the reality is that people are dying of starvation, knife attacks, and terrorism, it was incredibly moving to see all types of women running, strangers pushing each other on when tiredness struck, husbands, sons, and fathers wildly supporting and cheering on their wives, mothers, and daughters. The whole day left me feeling overwhelmed with a new sense of hope for the human race. It was a reminder that there ARE many many good people in this world.
The other day, a colleague of mine who ran the 5K with me, completed the London 10K race, and she was talking about her wonderful experience. Among the many things she mentioned, she spoke of this blind man who had run the entire 10K race with his hand on his friend's shoulder for guidance. I still don't know why, but as soon as I heard that, I burst into tears. I was in the middle of putting my show make up on, and really tried not to cry, but something inside me unhinged, and out came this intense emotion, and with it, a floodgate of tears. I still don't know if it was sadness or happiness. Had I not had a show to get ready for, I think I would have sobbed for a good 10 minutes. This image of this blind man running with the help of his friend won't leave me. Who is he? Who is his friend? What are their stories? I keep thinking about them and can't let them go. I'm not sure if their image inspires me, or haunts me, or both.
There is only one other image that has stayed with me in the same way...
A few years ago I went to Lisboa for 6 weeks with Miss Saigon. I saw many beautiful things and there was so much about the city that was delightful. At the same time, I saw that the city was also seeped with poverty. Many days I would walk by myself to see different parts of the city, and I saw things that hurt me. The saddest of all, the thing that made me cry for a few days, was a beggar who looked like he had Elephantitis, though I can't be sure. I had NEVER seen anything like his face in all my life, not even in horror movies. The growths on his face were so huge that, from a distance, I couldn't make out any features...his eyes, nose, and mouth had disappeared under his disease. During a show, I asked one of my dressers about him, I wanted to know everything about him, and she told me that he had a son that was killed by a car. That killed me. I started to cry backstage for him, for his sad fate, and I knew I wanted to do something, but I didn't know what, and eventually I decided to go and give him some money and talk to him. There was so much I wanted to ask him. I am so ashamed to say that I couldn't even get close to him, I was so scared and horrified of seeing his face close up. I was so ANGRY with myself, I felt like I had been tested and that I'd failed. What kind of person did that make me? So I gathered up my courage and went back to finally give him the money, and he wasn't there. I went back a few more times but I never saw him again. To this day, I struggle with my weakness, and it's something that I hate about myself, that I didn't have the courage to go give this man some money because I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I hate myself for it, and I still think about him, wonder how he's doing, wonder if he has family, wonder if he's happy. I wish so hard that I had made a different choice and not walked away from him, but I did and will always feel guilty for it.
This blind man running a 10K race for charity, and this beggar with Elephantitis are images that I will carry with me forever. I'm tired of being a person who does nothing but gets up onstage and sings and dances, I'm tired of hearing stories like these and feeling a pain in my heart and STILL not doing anything about it. I keep saying that one day, I will give it all up and do SOMETHING to make a difference...if I'm totally honest, I'm terrified of not making a difference...but will I really do it? I talk talk talk talk but I never DO, and does that make me a hypocrite? Maybe I'm weaker than I want to be, maybe I will never have the guts, I don't know. I really really hope that I will become the sort of person I want to be and do these things I talk about.
For now, what do I do? I've been really frustrated and stressed over relatively trivial things over the past few days, and I usually don't let myself succomb to life's follies so easily. But this time, I let myself not be okay for a little while, and maybe I shouldn't have. Because there is a man with no face who sits in a square in Lisboa who lost a son and who begs for money, and he wakes up everyday and gets on with his life. And there is a blind man who has an amazing friend, and together, they did something for the good of others. They will continue to haunt me and inspire me and remind me that I have far to much to feel sorry for myself, and maybe the inspiration that they have unknowingly given me will grow so big, that I will finally have the strength to be as strong as they are and give something back. Until that happens, I will keep them in my thoughts and my heart, they are my heros. I hope their stories have touched you in the way they touched me...
"I wanna know the things they told me way back then were really so. I wanna make a little mark before I go. Not barely just get by. I wanna fly."
-- Ricky Ian Gordon
copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin
I ran a 5K race for a breast cancer charity with a bunch of female colleagues while on Guys and Dolls. It was one of the best days of my life -- we were surrounded by thousands of people with this immense positive energy and we all shared the same goal: to make a difference. In a world where the reality is that people are dying of starvation, knife attacks, and terrorism, it was incredibly moving to see all types of women running, strangers pushing each other on when tiredness struck, husbands, sons, and fathers wildly supporting and cheering on their wives, mothers, and daughters. The whole day left me feeling overwhelmed with a new sense of hope for the human race. It was a reminder that there ARE many many good people in this world.
The other day, a colleague of mine who ran the 5K with me, completed the London 10K race, and she was talking about her wonderful experience. Among the many things she mentioned, she spoke of this blind man who had run the entire 10K race with his hand on his friend's shoulder for guidance. I still don't know why, but as soon as I heard that, I burst into tears. I was in the middle of putting my show make up on, and really tried not to cry, but something inside me unhinged, and out came this intense emotion, and with it, a floodgate of tears. I still don't know if it was sadness or happiness. Had I not had a show to get ready for, I think I would have sobbed for a good 10 minutes. This image of this blind man running with the help of his friend won't leave me. Who is he? Who is his friend? What are their stories? I keep thinking about them and can't let them go. I'm not sure if their image inspires me, or haunts me, or both.
There is only one other image that has stayed with me in the same way...
A few years ago I went to Lisboa for 6 weeks with Miss Saigon. I saw many beautiful things and there was so much about the city that was delightful. At the same time, I saw that the city was also seeped with poverty. Many days I would walk by myself to see different parts of the city, and I saw things that hurt me. The saddest of all, the thing that made me cry for a few days, was a beggar who looked like he had Elephantitis, though I can't be sure. I had NEVER seen anything like his face in all my life, not even in horror movies. The growths on his face were so huge that, from a distance, I couldn't make out any features...his eyes, nose, and mouth had disappeared under his disease. During a show, I asked one of my dressers about him, I wanted to know everything about him, and she told me that he had a son that was killed by a car. That killed me. I started to cry backstage for him, for his sad fate, and I knew I wanted to do something, but I didn't know what, and eventually I decided to go and give him some money and talk to him. There was so much I wanted to ask him. I am so ashamed to say that I couldn't even get close to him, I was so scared and horrified of seeing his face close up. I was so ANGRY with myself, I felt like I had been tested and that I'd failed. What kind of person did that make me? So I gathered up my courage and went back to finally give him the money, and he wasn't there. I went back a few more times but I never saw him again. To this day, I struggle with my weakness, and it's something that I hate about myself, that I didn't have the courage to go give this man some money because I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I hate myself for it, and I still think about him, wonder how he's doing, wonder if he has family, wonder if he's happy. I wish so hard that I had made a different choice and not walked away from him, but I did and will always feel guilty for it.
This blind man running a 10K race for charity, and this beggar with Elephantitis are images that I will carry with me forever. I'm tired of being a person who does nothing but gets up onstage and sings and dances, I'm tired of hearing stories like these and feeling a pain in my heart and STILL not doing anything about it. I keep saying that one day, I will give it all up and do SOMETHING to make a difference...if I'm totally honest, I'm terrified of not making a difference...but will I really do it? I talk talk talk talk but I never DO, and does that make me a hypocrite? Maybe I'm weaker than I want to be, maybe I will never have the guts, I don't know. I really really hope that I will become the sort of person I want to be and do these things I talk about.
For now, what do I do? I've been really frustrated and stressed over relatively trivial things over the past few days, and I usually don't let myself succomb to life's follies so easily. But this time, I let myself not be okay for a little while, and maybe I shouldn't have. Because there is a man with no face who sits in a square in Lisboa who lost a son and who begs for money, and he wakes up everyday and gets on with his life. And there is a blind man who has an amazing friend, and together, they did something for the good of others. They will continue to haunt me and inspire me and remind me that I have far to much to feel sorry for myself, and maybe the inspiration that they have unknowingly given me will grow so big, that I will finally have the strength to be as strong as they are and give something back. Until that happens, I will keep them in my thoughts and my heart, they are my heros. I hope their stories have touched you in the way they touched me...
"I wanna know the things they told me way back then were really so. I wanna make a little mark before I go. Not barely just get by. I wanna fly."
-- Ricky Ian Gordon
copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin
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