The Day She Met 5 Scottish Lads

It was just a normal day at Pure Dark, on a quaint corner of Bleecker Street, in the classy part of the West Village. No celebrity shoppers on this particular day, just your average Japanese tourist and dolled up young mother with her baby carriage. Into the store burst 5 burly Scottish lads. How out of place they seemed, with their massive beer bellies, and their gruff Scot accents. They walked straight up to me and demanded, "ARE YE CEEEEEEEELIA?" I couldn't figure out if I was bemused or nervous. "......yes......." I replied. "WE'VE BEEN SENT HERE BY BROOOOOOOKE." Brook! A gorgeous Scottish lass I went to dance college with! Oh! "SHE SAID WE WERE TO COME AND FIND YEEEEEEE. SHE WORKS IN THE POOOOOOB" Oh my. The pooooooob. The pub! Ah, it became clear. Here in my gourmet chocolate shop, looking as if they had just landed from another planet, were 5 Scottish lads, who live in Perth, Scotland (one of them was even wearing a shirt that said PERTH). Every Sunday, they must go to the pub (as all men with massive beer bellies do) and my old friend Brooke serves them pints of lager and cider while they sit there and "get pissed," as the Brits say. Well, fancy that. Talk about worlds colliding.

I offered them some free chocolate. Most people are delighted when that happens. The lads just blinked. "NAH." They said. "Oh, okay. Well, can I get you some water?" I asked. "NAH." "Okay....would you like anything else?" "WHERE IS THE NEAREST PLACE TO GET A PINT???" one of them finally asked in exasperation. I howled with laughter. They looked absolutely desperate. I knew what they were looking for -- a good old English pub that served a nice cold pint of ale. I couldn't think of anything downscale enough for them in the West Village, so I pointed them towards a place called Fiddlesticks, in which they (if they even found it) would probably exclaim profanities at the price of the beer.

The lads had been in the shop for about 7 minutes. We even took a picture of all of us so that they could show Brooke when they got home. I still could not believe that they were in the shop. Looking at them standing there in all their loutish glory among the high-end shop branding made me beam. Before they left, I asked, "what ARE you doing in NYC???" In the States, there are certain Americans who have obviously never been outside of their own state, let alone the country. These lads looked as if they'd never even been to London, so WHAT were they doing here in the middle of Manhattan?? "THE FOOOOOOOOTBALLLL!!!" Oh my goodness, OF COURSE! The fooooooootball! They were in town supporting England in the World Cup. Pints and football -- what ELSE would a bunch of Scottish lads be in NYC for?

When the lads left, one of my colleagues said to me, "they were really scary and I couldn't understand a word they said." We laughed, and I pondered this. While she had looked at them in confusion, I had looked at them and felt like they had brought into the shop a little piece of home with them. They brought in a sensation that I was back in a culture that is familiar to me -- a culture where lads go to the pub to drink pints and watch football, families gather together every Sunday for a Sunday roast, newspapers have page 3 topless models, and every town in the country has a Marks and Spencer, a Nando's, a Primark, and a street called "High Street." I may have Yankee blood and a Yankee accent, but I have not felt more at "home" in NYC than when those lads walked in the door and brought a bit of Scotland with them.

The Yanks and the Brits may all speak the same language, but we are not the same by any means. I thought I was more of an American. But I still feel like a stranger in a foreign land. I still have never seen an episode of "Lost." I still need to look at an NYC subway map when I travel. I still don't quite know how the healthcare system works. I still drink tea instead of Starbucks. I think of Britain, and I can picture the glistening streets of Edinburgh. I can hear the "hardahardahardaharda" accents of the Belfast taxi drivers. I can remember Saturday morning TV with Cat, Ant, and Dec. I still want to say things like, "get your coat love, you've pulled," or "can I have a shandy, please?" or "fancy a cuppa?" I call soccer football and I find it totally bizarre that there are people are not aware that there is a difference between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland. Well, I'll be damned...

I spent a decade in London rejecting the fact that I am British. How ironic then, that I feel more of a kinship with a bunch of Scottish lads than a bunch of Long-Islanders. I guess I am a Brit after all. I'll need to have a Guinness and black the next time I go out, to celebrate this self-discovery. But, wait, the Americans don't have blackcurrent cordial, do they? Do they even have cordial?? Eh, perhaps I'll have to stick to liquor on the rocks. When in Rome...

copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin

Baring All...Oriental Style

This year will be the second year that I participate in BROADWAY BARES in support of the wonderful charity, Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. I've had 2 rehearsals, and with 3 more rehearsals and a week before showtime, I'm feeling just about ready to bare all!

Last year I was clad in a black S&M outfit. I was wearing both a bra and underwear, which, by BROADWAY BARES standards, is pretty tame. This year, at my first rehearsal, I learned that I would be in a thong and pasties. As we listened to the music and the choreographers talked us through the dance, my first thought was, "wow, that's a long time to be onstage wearing just pasties." As I looked around the room at our predominantly male cast, all of whom are tumblers with perfect bodies, my second thought was, "I really need to be as toned as these guys so I don't look like jello dancing next to them."

I immediately got to work getting into prime shape. I have been having just one tiny serving of dry carbs a day, drinking so much water that I spend alot of time in the bathroom, and have refrained from eating as much chocolate as I usually do at work (I work in a chocolate shop!). I pretty much stick to white meat protein, fruits, and veggies...which sounds simple enough, but I miss cheese, toast, sausages, DOUGHNUTS, crisps, and just about anything else that's not canned tuna, avocado, or fruit, because that's all I've eaten for the past week. Those of you that know my gigantic love of food will know that this has definitely been a challenge!

In addition to eating properly, I'm working out alot more than usual. I'm back to Bikram yoga, running an hour at a time instead of half an hour, and getting in those bum squats! My legs are sore! And my back is sore! And I'm hungry all the time!!!! AND I NEED A MASSAGE! But, it will all be worth it when my kimono comes off (I play a Geisha in my number) and I look FIERCE. Maybe it will inspire you to know that it's only been 5 days, and already I can see results. That is what keeps me going when I walk past the amazing focaccia shop on my way to work and my mouth waters and my stomach begs.

I'm extremely proud of my number, ORIENT AVENUE, choreographed by Lee Wilkin and Stephanie Lang, who are both so generous and inspiring. They've created a beautiful and classy piece. Set in a tea house, our lead stripper is an aerialist who plays a Samurai. I can't wait to see how he's going to strip while in the air! There are 3 Geishas, and we have been hard at work practicing our fan work...I think between the 3 of us, we must have already gone through 2 handfuls of broken fans. We have some amazing male tumblers who play lantern holders (these guys are truly an inspiration, they are so good at what they do) and a lovely handful of beautiful Geisha helpers to complete our cast. Throw in some luxurious kimonos, Swarovski crystals (!!!!!), gorgeous tai chi moves, authentic Japanese music, and the number is going to be stunning. I hope I don't drop my fan!!!

I can't wait to see the piece in its entirety, and also to see the rest of the show this year. Last year I was absolutely amazed at the caliber of the show, and how much selfless effort went into putting on such a spectacle to support those in need. That amazement has not waned this year, and being part of the BARES community to support such a great cause is something I take great pride in. The harsh eating and workout regime is definitely worth it. I hope you will help me to help others by donating to my Strip-a-thon page at http://www.broadwaycares.org/celiamei -- every little counts!

Anyone interested in seeing BROADWAY BARES XX: STRIP-OPOLY on Sunday June 20th should contact me for $40 tickets! Let's make a difference together!!!

With a bow of the head, and a flick of my fan, I say to you, "Arigato!"

www.broadwaycares.org

www.broadwaybares.com

copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin