I have always, at the least, held firmly to, and at the most, acted unapologetically for what I believe to be right, even when the majority of my peers and colleagues have either disagreed, been too scared, or, worse, too indifferent to act. Happy is the man, I guess, who stays silent and quietly waits for every event to pass him by so that life can remain placid. Or perhaps it is that same man who blasts his opinions in the safety of his home, but, when given an opportunity to voice them aloud, shys away. I am not that (wo)man. An incident occured at work recently where I spoke out and fought against the majority to do the right thing. By my strength-of-steel moral and ethical standards, I did what was right. The result: I have been blackballed, mocked, and even mildly bullied. I have reflected on the incident for days and though I have tried very hard to understand all points of view, I just cannot make sense of what has happened, or the repercussions.
I won't go into detail about the incident, as I may end up in some officer's detention room should management ever see this. Briefly described, there was an unprovoked physical attack on a friend (Dan from Indiana, who you can read about in the blog entry before this) by another colleague which resulted in my calling security and gathering a couple of people (one being a guest) to make statements on what they had seen. I certainly admit to losing my temper. When Dan, shaking and dazed, approached me to tell me of the attack, I literally saw red, lost my temper, and acted without thinking. I assume that most people reading this, if they were in a similar situation where a friend or family member was hurt, would follow suit. However, according to the majority of my colleagues, I acted wrongly, because my calling security may have resulted in the attacker's loss of his job. Did anyone ask if Dan was okay? Nope. All they were concerned about was whether or not this other man would be fired. People went so far as to say, "Dan is drunk and melodramatic." Fact: Dan was attacked. Whether he was drunk or not has no bearing on this. Fact: Dan was attacked. Physical contact was not a a fictitious event in Dan's supposedly melodramatic mind.
"We are a family, and we have to keep our family together," is what I kept hearing. Firstly, I understand that the word "family" is synonymous for "team," but I resent others telling me who I should be referring to as my "family." I have one amazing family, no more, no less, and they are certainly not on this ship. Secondly, in my real family, no one ever lays a hand on anyone else (apart from when my Mom was raising stubborn twins and had to show us that whining had consequences). Try as I might, I honestly cannot understand how an attack was made, where the man who made the attack has not been questioned by his peers, while these same peers have deemed Dan and I, the ones who reported to security, monsters. I have racked my brain to think whether any man in my life would ever touch someone aggressively, and the answer is, ABSOLUTELY NOT. No friggin' way, man. My best friend, Mark, was assualted on public transport a few years ago, ended up having to have nose surgery, and he was still barely able to lay a finger on anyone, even in self defense. I do believe that Dan's attacker felt remorse, and perhaps it is this remorse which everyone thinks is the reason the incident should be swept under the carpet. Though, I keep wondering how others would have reacted in my position. When I questioned a couple of them, they replied that that they would make light of the situation. My response: too bad for their friends. Friends always support and protect each other, not just when it is convenient.
In the aftermath of the incident, these are phrases that have been said to me, verbatim:
"Everyone hates you."
"You would sabotage my audition."
"You're the reason for the chasm between the cast."
"You think you're so much better than everyone else."
"Every time you say something to someone, you make them feel bad about themself."
"You're the biggest bully in the cast."
I am not making myself out to be the victim, by any means; I would never want to be perceived as a victim. While hearing these verbal attacks shocked me, they did not hurt me, because I know that I am not these things. So, I am not hurt, I am just so incredibly disappointed. At humanity, at my peers, at everyone who never bothered to ask Dan if he was hurt, at everyone who never bothered to question the attacker, at the attacker for letting me and Dan take his fall when we did everything we could to prevent the loss of his job, at the fact that, in doing what I believe in my heart to be the right thing, I have become a person that most of the people I work with hate. I am not looking for sympathy or support, but a way to understand how how HOW something like this has happened in the way that it has. I don't know how long my disappointment in humanity will last. The more time passes, the more disappointed I become. It is a sorry state in society when the majority support wrongdoing.
In hindsight, would I have acted differently? I have asked this of myself alot, and the answer is a stoic, "no." If I could change anything, I would have let Dan's attacker make his apologies before calmly calling security, but I still would have made the same choice. We owe it to ourselves to do the right thing, no matter how negative the consequences. It is a damn shame that doing what is right can have such negative results.
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