Choosing Fire

Heaven? Quite frankly, I don't want to go to a Heaven that is filled with hypocrites. God, Allah, Jesus, Buddah, or whoever you are that makes that decision, I won't be offended if you send me to Hell along with all the other non-believers who never claim to be anything they aren't. At least I will be in the company of souls who admitted openly to their wickedness. Far better than hanging out with people who cowardly believe that you can be free of your sins if you just, what's the word? CONFESS! Ah, yes, confess to your wickedness, and ye shall be forgiven, and ye shall get to spend a lifetime in eternity with those who wore crosses around their necks and yet comitted such sins as adultery, jealousy, gluttony, blah blah blah blah blah. But, you only have to confess to your priest. You don't even have to confess to the man you are cheating on, or the mother of the little girl you moslested. But, why were you committing sins or acts of wrongdoing in the first place? The thing is, if, in this mortal life, you're going to wear a cross around your neck and imply that you are holier than I because you believe in a Power of which I am still unsure, you best be practicing what you preach, otherwise, you are a hypocritical fool. And an idiot. Hey, I never profess to be what I am not. I am a self-confessed glutton, and if unashamedly committing (daily) acts of gluttony and being openly unsure of what or who I should believe in assures me a place in Hell, so be it. Anyway, I really don't want to be anywhere near a place where I am surrounded by a bunch of suicide bombers and their 77 virgins. Each. One can only imagine the nightly entertainment.

I should quickly mention that a handful of my closest friends are incredibly religious. Like, still-being-a-virgin-at-30-due-to-not-being-married type of incredibly religious. And they are really some of the purest people that I know. If only every person with strong religious beliefs were as pure. My best friend believes that he may be going to Hell because he is gay. And yet, he is a good person with a good heart. Isn't that what is most important; what he should be judged on in the end?

Speaking of judging, I have recently been attempting to understand politics a little more by reading The Week magazine, which compiles the best articles from all over the world from the previous week. Unfortunately, I'm starting to think that I am missing a few circuits in my brain, because I still have trouble making sense of who is who and what is what and what the friggin problem is with raising taxes on the uber rich. A couple of things I think I understood: the board that decides a woman's right to have an abortion is made up of solely men, and in attempting to provide health insurance that covers contraception from Catholic-affiliated schools, hospitals, and charities, which the Catholic church considers immoral, the government is taking away religious freedom. Am I missing something here? I very well may be; as has already been noted, I may be a few circuits short of a brain that can handle these sorts of arguments. Because, it sounds to me that, as a woman, my choice of whether I keep a baby or not is decided by a bunch of men, and that my Catholic counterparts are encouraged by their church to have unprotected sex (because, let's face it: no ban on contraception is going to stop people from having sex). Having lived in England where the pill is free, I am shocked that this is not the case in the States. It's bad enough that women have to pay for tampons (don't get me started -- we endure a monthly mentruation and HAVE to pay for it??), but pay for birth control? I hear that the morning after pill runs about $50. You think many of the men in that situation offer to help the woman pay for that? I don't. Isn't protecting a woman's health as important as protecting her religious beliefs? I won't even ask about protecting a woman's choice. The thought that it is "protected" by a bunch of dudes who would probably be useless in the delivery room makes me want to vomit.

In the hearts of the right people, religion flourishes beautifully. In the hands of the wrong people, it is suffocating. Society and people change. To attempt to keep people in line with out-of-date beliefs must be a very challenging job, and I don't envy the people that choose to do this job. However, I do resent them, because I think everyone, myself included, deserves the opportunity to make their own choices without fear of being judged. It has been my experience that those who do the preaching and judging are usually the ones who have the darkest secrets. Maybe even the blackest code of ethics.

I haven't made up my mind yet about what I believe in spiritually. And I eat too much. And I use contraception. If this means that I am "doomed" to Hell, despite a daily awareness to be a good person, then I will be driving the bus with (fiery) bells on. Judging by the company, it could turn out to be alot...cooler...down there. Forgive me my sins of bad punning. I just had to.