The REAL Kindness of Strangers

I've been at a loss during the past month for what to write about. Usually, I witness something that strikes me as very funny, or very touching, or very happy, and it'll inspire me to meditate on the lessons it teaches me, or the hopes it brings, and share these thoughts with others through my blog. Though the last month has been a very busy time for me, nothing has happened to inspire me to write or share. Tonight, something did happen that I must share. The story I am about to recount is one that saddened me very much, but the reminders it gives are appropriate for the beginning of the holiday season; a time for giving, sharing, loving, and reminding our nearest and dearest that we love them and that we can be counted on in times of need. I know I can count on my family and friends. But what I saw tonight convinced me that sometimes, if you're lucky, when there is no friend nearby and no way to make a call to a loved one, you really can count on the kindness of strangers.

I was on my way home after a long day at work. The PATH train from Christopher St. to Hoboken was hot and crowded. "It's only a 7 minute ride," I thought to myself, as I boarded the train with tired feet and legs, disappointed that there was barely a place to stand, let alone sit. A couple of minutes into the ride, a commotion behind me caught my attention and I saw that a man (he looked only slightly older than I) had asked someone if he could sit down. He was breathing heavily, and it took me a moment to realise that he was unwell. A younger man next to him asked if he was alright, and he replied that he was feeling dizzy. The colour of his face turned from bright red to yellow to green to grey in the space of just a few seconds and he looked terrified. I, myself, became terrified for him. My fight-or-flight instincts kicked in and I started going over in my head the different scenarios that might unfold and how we could deal with them. "Is he about to have a heart attack? A panic attack? A seizure? Is he diabetic? Are his eyes going to roll towards the back of his head? If he passes out, what do we do? I wonder if anyone knows mouth to mouth resucitation? But isn't that only for choking victims?" All these questions and no answers. I was not panicking, but the man looked as if he was in a panic, willing himself not to pass out. I desperately wanted to go comfort him, to offer any sort of help, but he was a few seats away from me, and as there were a few people I'd have to push past and the younger man next to him and a lady in front of him were trying to be as comforting as possible, I figured it was best to leave him be. Sometimes, the last thing an ill person wants is too many strangers crowded around. I continued to watch him, trying to give him strength through the power of thought (the things we can make ourselves believe in desperate situations are incredible). He vomited into his hat. He seemed confused, horrified, and terrified as he came up for air before vomiting a second time. His pupils were dialated, his face was still a dull grey, his lips drained of all colour. Someone gave him a tissue to wipe his forhead that was now beaded with sweat, Two other strangers passed him plastic bags that he could chuck the hat in and vomit into. I looked for the emergency button and caught sight of it and wondered if maybe I should push it. I kept thinking, "the poor man the poor man the poor man." I made a decision (whether it was rational or irrational, I'm not sure) that I wasn't going to push it, because there's nothing anyone on the train could do to help him, and the sooner we arrived in Hoboken, the sooner he could get some fresh air and medical attention. I looked back at him to see him vomiting again into a plastic bag. Most of the people on the carriage were watching him, not with disgust, but with apprehension. I wonder if we were all having similar thought processes. I had a strong feeling that I was not the only person worried about him. I knew, I KNOW, that if the man had passed out, we would have all worked in tandem to help, to fight for his safety. He wiped his mouth and blinked many times and continued to take deep breaths for what were probably some of the longest 4 minutes of his life. He kept thanking the strangers around him that had passed him the plastic bags and the tissue. The train finally arrived in Hoboken where I saw him step onto the platform and go to sit on one of the benches. I approached him and asked him if he needed help or of I could call anyone for him. He told me that his wife was on her way, that she was aware that he was feeling ill, and thanked me. I asked if he wanted me to stay with him so that he wasn't alone, just to be safe. He thanked me, declining the offer. I walked away trying not to cry and feeling very worried about him. I really did not want to leave him alone, but of course was not going to force him to let me stay. Leaving the station, I saw a couple of cops and mentioned to them that there was a very sick man on the platform who shouldn't be alone. The young man who had sat next to the sick man on the train came out of the station and told us that he had already told two other cops about the situation, so the cops that I had spoken to left to join them. I was so grateful that the sick man was not going to be alone. As I walked home in the dark, I burst into tears, wishing I could have helped more, wondering what this man's plight would be, praying for him to be okay.

I have rarely seen a man so scared; I am so saddened by the sight of him having to struggle through what he did tonight. I obviously cannot be certain of what his thoughts were, but I do believe that somewhere in the 7 minutes it took to get from Christopher St. to Hoboken, he thought he might die. I have no idea if he has been sick for awhile, if it's something that caught him by surprise, if he will be okay. I keep imagining his worried wife in the car, driving as fast as she can to be with him. I really really really hope that he is okay, and I am so grateful on his behalf that there were people around him that tried to help him as much as they could. In a carriage full of strangers, when the world must have felt like it was closing in on him, he was shown kindness and consideration. I hope and believe that this is not unusual; that when a stranger really is in need, people will step up to the mark and offer help and support. It is a testament to the human capacity for compassion and empathy that we can care so much about a stranger.

What if he had had a heart attack on the train? It is a reminder that it only takes a moment to lose someone you love. So I take this moment to say that I cherish my parents, my sister, my friends, and the all the wonderful, abounding joy that I have in my life. I hope that at this very moment, the man is with his wife at home, that she is taking care of him, and that he is less scared. I hope that if he has to see a doctor, the news will not be bad, and that they get to celebrate the holidays happily. I'm saying a prayer for the man. I will never know if his story ends happily, but I will pray very hard that it does. I want to say that I love my family and friends very much and hope that they stay healthy this holiday season and for many seasons to come. May we all be blessed this holiday season with health, happiness, and the kindness of strangers.

copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin