Man...Or Caveman?

I'm pissed off. This blog is being written mostly because I need to vent. I am EXTREMELY disappointed and offended by the way some men behave on Match.com. As far as I'm concerned, no one owes anyone anything on that website. If a man takes the time to email me, then I guess it's a nice gesture, but he is also emailing dozens of other women, and so he isn't exactly going out of his way by writing to me.

So, the scenario is, I'm a woman on Match and I receive an email from a man. I check the man out if his profile picture and email strikes my interest. If I am disinterested in what I see, I don't respond to the email. Right?? Simple!! I'm hardly going to write back and say "thanks for the email but I find your profile very off-putting so I'm declining your offer of a date." I just stay silent, and assume that the man will take my silence as a sign that I'm not interested and move on. And most do. BUT. A few -- my blood is boiling just thinking about these select "few" -- DO NOT GET THE HINT.

An idiot who calls himself Masterofallmen -- PUKE -- emailed me, I looked at his profile, and wasn't interested. Two and a half weeks later, he emailed with the subject line saying "Having fun yet?" and wrote in the email, "seriously now Celia, has the cat grabbed your tongue?" OH MY LORD I GOT SO ANGRY. How DARE he??? How rude! How patronizing! What, does he think I spend my time purposely not replying to men that I'm interested in because that's my idea of "having fun?" And asking me if the cat had gotten my tongue -- I'm a lady for goodness sake, you don't speak to a lady like that, especially if you're attempting to court her! Or, maybe I'm severely old-fashioned and this is how men are treating women these days. Well, not THIS woman. I was so mad, it took all my willpower not to email him a series of profanities. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of a response.

I received an email from an Indian man. Now, my profile clearly states that I am attracted only to Caucasian men. I am not a racist (I'm a Chinese Jew, for goodness sake), but I cannot help who I am attracted to, and I'm afraid though I love people of all color, I only date white men. So, I didn't even look at this guy's profile. His follow-up email to me said, "I am not sure why you haven't responded. If you have never done this before, I can bet you are a bit apprehensive. I mean getting 50 mails a day from 65 year old men asking for a massage can be a bit scary. Or are you playing hard to get already? haha. Cute. :-) I think that works better once you have met in person! Who is teaching you these tricks?" This guy is even more patronizing than the last!!! "NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE???" I am a pro at Match dating! I know what I want! "PLAYING HARD TO GET ALREADY???" So if I appear disinterested, then of course I'm playing hard to get. This imbecile hasn't even considered that I have not responded because I have absolutely no interest in getting to know him. And, I ask you, what is the crime in that? I have found more and more that men's egos are so inflated that if I show even the smallest bit of doubt in my interest towards them, they get their little male knickers all into a twist and try to manipulate me by attempting to make me feel like a horrible, smaller person.

I can only imagine that men like these would be just awful to date. They'd try and make all my decisions for me, they'd disregard my opinion, they'd only listen to themselves and I'd be left with sore ears from their constant narcissistic conversation.

I am not a bad person. My dearest friends would tell you I'm quite the opposite. I am not a high-maintenance woman. My parents would disagree, but most other people would agree. I am a kick-ass girlfriend. My past boyfriends would assure you of that. But, though I try to always be extremely open-minded and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, once I am spoken to or treated with utter disrespect, my claws come out, and man do I want to scratch someone's eyes out right now. Preferably that Indian dude's. My pulse is racing from rage even as I type. The sad thing is, I am completely losing my faith in men, and I really don't want to. But the more I'm on the receiving end of sexual jeers, manipulative words, and selfish actions, the more I roll my eyes when a man so much as looks at me. They all piss me off! And I don't want to end up rolling my eyes at someone whose intentions are good.

Just to digress a little before ending this rant -- I don't think it's in my imagination that men are becoming ruder. I was in the elevator the other day, and a man who was standing in the back pushed his way out before giving the people in the front a chance to get out. The one woman left in the elevator with me looked at me in shock and said "did you see that? Men are getting ruder and ruder these days!" I notice it when a man gets on the subway before letting me on first, and when a man walks through a door and doesn't hold it open for me, and in ridiculous Match.com emails! Please, let this not spark that old debate about how if women want to be treated equally, we can't expect special treatment, etc etc. Yes, women have our share of flaws, too. But, just as I think it's nice when a lady acts with a good female etiquette in public, it's nice when a man is chivalrous. Or at least respectful to other human beings!

I think I've said all I can on the subject. Really, I could talk about this for days (and have). So, I'll put it to rest now and thank my lucky stars that I'm a decent woman who always treats others with respect, and if I encounter people who are not that way inclined, then it's just not my battle to fight. Which is a bit of a shame, cause she's feisty when she's riled!!!

copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin