A Running Joke

One of my favourite past-times is running in Central Park. I have the same route, because I know exactly how long it's going to take me from point A. to point B. and I like to be consistent with my running. I run for two reasons: to stay skinny and to relax. Yes, running is relaxing for me. Obviously, not the type of sit-on-a-couch-for-5-hours-watching-T.V. relaxation, but it's an "active relaxation." It's both a physical and mental battle, but at the same time, while I'm listening to music as I run, I daydream, and visualize my goals, and affirmate! Once I start up my heart rate, I hate to stop. It's like a high or a rush that's cut short, and it's frustrating and annoying to have to stop mid-run. Which is why the story that I'm about to tell makes for a good laugh.

I was just starting out my run in the park. It was a most gorgeous day. The sun was proudly blessing us with It's rays. my music was giving me a great boost of energy as I inhaled the smell of freshly cut grass, a scent I have adored since my days at summer camp. Man, I felt GOOD. I was set to go for an hour, and nothing, no nothing could stop me now! (I crack myself up.) Not more than five minutes into my run, a Japanese tourist approached me. You know the type. Porcelain skin caked with pale foundation; Louis Vuitton bag in her clutch; head adorned with a huge sun hat; meticulously planned designer outfit. THAT type of Japanese tourist. She asked in her soft broken English, "Excuse me, Metropolitan Museum?" I replied mid-stride, "You're close but you have to go that way out of the park," and pointed her in the right direction as I continued my run. She either did not understand me, or wanted clearer directions on how to get to The Met, because, not satisfied with my response, she actually started to run with me, in order to keep up and ask more questions. "Oh, LORD. Here we go," I thought.

As this woman, who looked liked she had never broken out in a single sweat bead in her life, attempted to keep up with my pace by running beside me in a sort of comic desperation, I really was torn. On one hand, she seemed perfectly pleasant and could have already been wandering about for hours trying to find The Met, and we were so close to it that I could have walked her out of the park and physically steered her in the correct direction. On the other hand, I was mid-run! Our conversation went back and forth like a tennis match as she continued throw phrases at me like, "Out of park?" and "5th Avenue?" and I hit her back with responses like, "yes, you need to go out of the park THAT way," and "Yes, if you exit the park THAT way, you'll be on 5th Avenue, then you can ASK SOMEONE ELSE."

I wished there and then that I'd had a friend with me. Or a candid camera. SOMETHING to witness this moment that could not have been better scripted by the most talented Sitcom writers. After a mere minute of keeping up the pace, my acquaintance was becoming breathless. I thought that, surely now, she would relent, too tired to continue the effort. Not so. Let me tell you -- getting to that museum must have been this woman's childhood ambition -- because Miss Japanese tourist took stride after stride with me. I must admit, watching her valiant efforts while she struggled in her heels gave me a sick delight. I don't know if that makes me a bad person? The scene and the memory of it are too funny for me to really care.

Out of breath and probably perspiring a little in her designer outfit (and holding onto that sun hat to prevent its falling off), she followed me. And followed me. And followed me. I stopped being torn in two ways as to whether to stop and help her or keep on running (in all honesty, the chances of my interrupting my run were almost non-existent) and began to question this woman's sanity. I could not for the life of me figure out why, in a park where she was surrounded by sunbathers and ice-cream vendors, this woman had chosen the ONE non-static person to ask directions from. I have laughed at the thought ever since. I relayed this story to a friend who surmised, "well, maybe she saw you and thought because you're a bit Asian, you'd speak the same language." Ha. Perhaps. Though I seriously doubt it.

Finally, after a good three minutes or so, my breathless acquaintance either decided that her outfit was not worth ruining or that she could perhaps...oh...I don't know...ask someone who wasn't obviously in the middle of an intense workout. I continued on my merry way, and felt only slightly guilty that I hadn't been more helpful.

I do hope she found The Met. The thing is, had we been the only two people in the park, of course I would have stopped and would probably have walked her to 5th Avenue. But it was a busy day, and she certainly wasn't stuck without someone else to help her. I made my directions as clear as I could, so I hope that she was helped at least somewhat by me. Maybe next time, she'll carry a map.

I don't know what all these tourists in NYC are doing strolling along without maps. I've lived here for over a year, and my map follows me wherever I go. Moral number one: Always carry a map when on holiday. Moral number two: When asking for directions, ask someone who is not in a rush. Moral number 3: Start working out to improve your Fight-Or-Flight capabilities so that when you are lost, if you HAVE to approach a runner, you can most definitely keep up the pace!

copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin

Eating's Cheating: 3 Ways to a Flat Tummy

Disclaimer -- Fact: The author weighed 105lbs in June 2009. Fact: The author now weighs 93lbs in January 2010. What follows is NOT advocating weight loss or unhealthy eating habits, it is merely the author's observations about the life circumstances that have made HER tummy flatter and more toned, and should be read with a pinch of salt (even though salt is, in fact, bloating).

I have spent my life in ballet class, jogging outside and on the treadmill, doing regular bikram yoga, dancing 8 shows a week, and eating a balanced diet. You would think that all that would be enough to maintain a flat tummy. In my case, NOT SO. I have unwillingly lost 12lbs since moving to NYC 7 months ago, and, in my observations, this is due to 3 major factors OTHER than diet and exercise. So step aside, Atkins diet. Move your tush, Jenny Craig. CMR is about to spill the beans on 3 ways to getting a flat tummy.


1. MOVE ACROSS AN OCEAN BY YOURSELF
DO IT. It works. TRUST me -- 12lbs! I am poor, nervously anticipating booking my first NYC show ALL THE TIME, walking everywhere, and out of my comfort zone constantly. When you make a huge life-change, you experience FEAR, ANXIETY, HOPE, JOY, DESPAIR, and moving across an ocean by yourself means that the support network you usually have to help you face all of life's challenges is...well...across an ocean! Not right there in times of need. (I cannot let this moment go by without thanking my family and friends in London for indeed "being there" so unconditionally during my time of change). But, you know what I mean -- no one is THERE. To top it off, unless you're moving across an ocean to start a new job, you probably, like me, don't have enough money to eat properly. I'm certainly eating better now, but when my family came to NYC in August, they kept telling me I was too skinny, and I kept telling them it was because I didn't have time or money to eat properly. Setting up a life an ocean away from "home" was very scary, and I cried ALOT in the first couple of months, and was desperately lonely...of course I lost weight! I defy anyone to do it and NOT have a flat tummy as a result. Go on, try it! And let me know how it goes! No quitting after a few weeks, though!!


2. GET YOUR HEART BROKEN
This, unfortunately, is something I'm quite familiar with, and I'm always saying, "if you want to lose weight, just have your heart broken!" See, I'm the opposite of a comfort eater -- when I'm upset, stressed, or nervous, I lose all appetite. This is the reason I assumed why I always lose weight when I am heartbroken. However, a friend of mine told me after my most recent break-up that in such situations, the body effectively reacts with Fight or Flight Syndrome -- your organs shut down to enable more blood to flow to your muscles in order to "fight" or take "flight." FASCINATING! So I googled www.thebodysoulconnection, and here is their description of Fight or Flight Syndrome:

When our fight or flight response is activated, sequences of nerve cell firing occur and chemicals like adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol are released into our bloodstream. These patterns of nerve cell firing and chemical release cause our body to undergo a series of very dramatic changes. Our respiratory rate increases. Blood is shunted away from our digestive tract and directed into our muscles and limbs, which require extra energy and fuel for running and fighting. Our pupils dilate. Our awareness intensifies. Our sight sharpens. Our impulses quicken. Our perception of pain diminishes. Our immune system mobilizes with increased activation. We become prepared—physically and psychologically—for fight or flight. We scan and search our environment, "looking for the enemy."

As I read more, it became clear that "The Enemy" used to be the likes of saber-toothed tigers, but today, it can be something like sitting in traffic and being late for an appointment, being reprimanded by your boss, AUDITIONING, relationship issues, and a whole plethora of everyday circumstances that causes stress -- conscious or subconscious. We all know that stress may cause weight loss, but I always thought it was due to lack of eating...now I know that, in stressful situations, the body prepares us for battle to survive! How clever!!!

The question is: to be heartbroken with a fabulous flat tummy, or not to be heartbroken with a fabulous flat tummy?

Just a little aside about coping with heartache -- I picked up a book called "When Everything Changes, Change Everything" by Neale Donald Walsch. It is a WONDERFUL read that reminded me of my (indeed all of ours) amazing, unending capacity to love, ability to choose HOW to respond to change, and therefore be the master of my own peace and happiness, and awakened me even more to my soul and life's pure joy. I remembered WHAT I AM DOING HERE. I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone who may be dealing with, stress, grief, turmoil, or who just enjoys constantly being in touch with the deepest level of their soul. Spread the word of peace and love, my friends!!!!


3. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EAT
Controversial, VERY controversial, but true. Now, I have always been very active, always stayed away from too much carbs, always ate alot of fruits, veggies, and fiber. None of this ever made a difference. Yes, it helped me MAINTAIN my figure, but there was a time when I was dancing "Guys and Dolls" 8 times a week and running on the treadmill for 45 minutes 3 times a week, and I STILL stayed the same weight. I did a Bikram Yoga 30-day challenge where I practiced 30 days without stopping and sweated so much, I must have been sweating out pee by the end, and I STILL stayed the same weight. The times in my life that I have noticed my tummy change and get flatter are the moments like points 1. and 2. that I mention above, when I lose appetite due to stress and don't eat for a few days -- THAT'S when I see the difference. Please please please note that I am NOT an advocate of not eating (I took a ballet class recently after not eating properly for a week and was so weak that I started getting dizzy and seeing stars, so I took myself to have a big Chinese meal afterwards!), BUT if, in desperate times, like you're due on the red carpet in a week, or you are going to be a bridesmaid soon, or you have to dance semi-naked or nude onstage, the surest, quick-fire way of achieving a flat tummy is to not eat for a week. Maybe a piece of fruit and some cereal so you don't collapse, and always drink water! We are 80% water! While I was on "West Side Story," the cast developed a motto: "Eating's Cheating!" Just remember those words next time you reach for the cake 3 days before you stand in all your glorious nakedness in front of a packed house!


CONCLUSION
I believe all healthy minded people should choose to be happy and bigger than unhappy and smaller. I certainly would. However, I am admitting right now, that after my heart was broken a week ago, I woke up to a flat tummy 2 days later and was filled with a sick pleasure. I am from a world of ballerinas...we are who we are, and I do not judge myself for wanting a such a tummy. I will now attempt to maintain my 93lbs by healthy eating and healthy exercise. Life is good, life is love, life is richer because of good food and watching the seasons change when you jog, and dance classes and happy tummys!

copyright (c) 2010-2011 Celia Mei Rubin